Sunday, March 11, 2012
Honesty in Our Friendships
How many times have we never said anything out of politeness. Sometimes in others we can see something so glaringly out of whack, yet we don't say anything. Most people do not realize that they even have something "wrong" or are doing anything "offensive" to the majority of people. I'd rather have a friend say to me, Hey Siobhan, you tend to do/say/believe in "x" which tends to make me and other people feel uncomfortable. At that point at least I am aware of the "offense" and can CHOOSE to change it or not. I don't know why people don't try to attempt to help others. For example, twice I've had two friends that really had very very bad body odor, but no one would mention to the person that they might need to try to do a little extra work regarding hygiene. People just spoke badly about that person behind their back and what good does that really do...it doesn't solve anything. So of course I pulled them aside quietly and had a little chat with them. What they decide to do after that is their own choice, but sometimes people don't see that there is an issue until someone points it out. So it gets me to my point...I know of a person that needs this little chat. Granted I haven't heard spoken bad words, but I do see the body language of some of the other people. This person really doesn't know that they need some minor tweaking and although I don't know this person well, probably one day I might have to have a little sit down chat with this person. I mean the only other option I can think of is to not be around them as much and I can see they would feel badly because they wouldn't have known what went wrong.
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I think honesty is important. There is a way to do it though with out hurting others. I think that is the part of life that is tough. There is one person I know who had very bad body odor but I have not mentioned it to this person because there hasn't been a right time and that is not something you call the person about. It is a balance to be honest and to be helpful. Sometimes it is good to ask questions first or sometimes you need to just move along and leave it alone. As important as honesty is there is also a live and let live. So how do you know when they might need help or they are happy with the way they are? Simple, say something and they can choose to change or stay the same. However, if they are sensitive you may also have to accept them being hurt and upset with you. Many people don't take that sort of confrontation well. Unlike you and I who realize a friend would say something like that to help us not hurt us, so many people have been put down in their lives so much that the smallest level of discussion in regards to their personal selves can seem as a put down. HUGS Love your thoughts.
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